Behold, the acerbic wit of colonial Calvinism!

Before there was Costanza, there was colonial Calvinism.

This anecdote from a biography of Jonathan Edwards was too good not to share. Although I haven’t identified a worthy recipient, I hope to employ these insults very soon:

In one colorful confrontation, a number of the young people were waiting at the Edwards home to meet with a formidable church judicial committee that included Colonel John Stoddard, the chief magistrate and judge of the region. As time dragged on, Timothy Root, one of the principal offenders (and a communicant church member), asked if he could leave and come back. When told “no,” Timothy announced loudly, “I won’t worship a wig.” He and his cousin Simeon then took off for the local tavern. He also declared (in a good example of how a Calvinistic low view of human nature might make one a revolutionary) that the committee members “are nothing but men molded up of a little dirt” and “I don’t give a turd” and “I don’t give a fart” for any of them. Insubordination was now added to the original accusations.

-George Marsden, A Short Life of Jonathan Edwards, 94.

jerk store
Before there was Costanza, there was colonial Calvinism.




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